This weekend I saw a Facebook post about a woman who was banned from a public place in Washington for breastfeeding her baby. And then today, Facebook decided to delete one of the two breastfeeding pictures on Earth Mama’s Facebook page.
I don’t consider myself a militant. Or a lactavist. I’ve always tried very hard to make a place for everyone to make their own well informed decisions. My decision has unwaveringly been that breastfeeding was the best for my babies. But now I’m mad. And I feel like it was the last straw before I donned my militancy hat. Brace yourself.
This picture is me nursing my firstborn in 1974. I breastfed my two babies for a combined total of 5 ½ years. And I can honestly say never once in that time did it ever even enter my mind that it was somehow inappropriate. When I went out of the house and my son was hungry, I fed him. If my daughter was tired and hungry, she ate and then napped. Simple.
My husband never once faltered in his support. He unfailingly helped me find a place to sit, someplace quiet if the nursling needed to sleep. There wasn’t a lot of thought or planning or even, thank goodness, fear of public rejection. I never even considered an alternative. Nor did I stay sequestered because I might have to deal with a hungry baby while in the middle of the grocery store. I believe I thought that was one of the benefits of taking “lunch” along with me.
This issue has obviously been discussed time and again. People line up on one side or the other, ready to vehemently state their opinion about whether women are endowed with breasts as physical attributes that engender sexual pleasure, or as functional glands to feed their young. Aren’t they both? I have to confess that this argument confounds me, even to this day.
What are breastfeeding women supposed to do? Do they sequester themselves at home to avoid having to feed their baby in public? Do they think ahead and plan the day? Do you not leave the house until your baby is weaned? What happens if you have to run to the store for toilet paper? Hire a babysitter to give your baby a bottle in your absence?
Some people can’t handle it nursing in public, but should that be a the mother’s problem? If your husband’s squeamish friends are over, or if you’re in the Stop-n-Shop and your baby is hungry, cover yourself. But feed your baby. I suspect Mrs. Neanderthal never considered options.
About Mama
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Love the photo of the adorable baby nursing her baby~
Love the photo!! Beautiful. If only the rest of the world could see it that way…
Love the photo!! Beautiful. If only the rest of the world could see it that way…
Love the picture!!! Thanks for sharing, mama!
I am naturally self cautious and don’t like attention, so I would cover up. But I honestly think if a women isn’t self cautious, I don’t think she should have to cover up. If don’t like what she is doing (feeding), then simply don’t look. People need to take responsibility for their own actions and not blame a mother who is doing what her body is designed to do (feed). Whether she chooses to or not, that is her choice to make. If a women chooses that option (some like myself chose but mother nature couldn’t produce), then support her in a nutritional, natural and inexpensive choice.
Gorgeous photo!
I live in a conservative area and even get nasty looks when I cover with a large tent and breastfeed. *sigh* Thankfully, my husband and those closest to me are very supportive.
I couldn’t imagine trying to do this without their support.
I’m not a big fan of covering. I think it sends the message that breastfeeding is something that should be hidden. Also, often the breastfeeding covers tend to draw more attention than being uncovered. I’m not concerned if people around me are uncomfortable. I see it as their problem. Not one of us would be here if it weren’t for breastfeeding, regardless of whether you were personally breastfeed. The survival of our species has been depended upon our nursing our young. That being said, if a woman is more likely to breastfeed her baby if she’s covered, then she should absolutely do it.
I’ll never forget what my 16yo stepson said when my daughter was just a few days old. On the day I brought her home and he saw me nurse for the 1st time he was obviously uncomfortable and went into his room. A couple of days later I was sitting on the couch nursing when he and his friend walked in the house. His friend came in first and stopped in his tracks when he saw me. Richard simply said that if he was going to come over he was going to have to get used to it. I was very proud.
I’ve heard about Facebook removing breastfeeding photos and I think it’s ridiculous. Maybe we should protest by getting a million women to pose with dolls on bare breasts as if they’re nursing and post them all on the same day! For Facebook to remove breastfeeding photos and not distinguish them as maternal instead of provocative is sheer laziness on their part. C’mon Facebook. Figure out a better filter.
I completely agree with you. I think it is very sad that our society has gotten to the place where breasts are a sexual object. They can be shown in movies, on the internet, laced and decorated for television commercials, yet if a baby is using it for what God created it to do we feel uncomfortable. It’s a terrible situation when a mother feels as though she can not provide in a normal, natural way to provide for her baby for fear of what others might “feel” or “think”. It sickens me that this is an issue and I hope that enough nursing mothers will rise and make a stand.
What could be more natural than a mother breastfeeding her child?! It is insulting that anyone would consider this as offensive or inappropriate! Sometimes people forget that we are actually animals!!! Yes, sophisticated animals with big brains, but really, what matters most is nurturing our young, loving our families, teaching our young to survive (education) and providing food and shelter!!! What is wrong with seeing breasts in a breastfeeding scenario anyway! If children see this, good! Then they will learn that this way of feeding a Baby is what nature intended!
Precious picture, and such a true post! I hate the fact that FB thinks they can decide what is and is not acceptable to see regarding feeding your own children. Good for you for sticking up for breastfeeding!
Think its ridiculous that facebook would remove a picture about a beautiful and natural thing. I see pictures of teenage girls with their butts and boobs hanging out and acting provocative and facebook leaves those up. What is wrong with the world. I am proud to breast feed in public and my hubby is also very supportive sometimes wanting to yell at the people giving us dirtylooks. (I have to calm him down) lol..
Nurse the baby. We ought to cover up babies who are bottle feeding. LOL
You’re going to change this…!
BTW, I LOVE that photo of you….
I choose not to breastfeed in public but have no problem with women who do. Men can take their shirts off and show their nipples, so what is the problem… a little extra flesh? That is what the Puritans are afraid of?!? Whatever people. Get over it already!
Your message is well spoken. I have quoted you in my own blog and posted your post on my Facebook page.
Oh yes, I love the picture.
I nursed both of my children and never felt that anything needed to be covered. This was no more than 4 years ago. I wouldn’t sit there with my nipple showing but I never felt like I had to have a blanket covering my kiddos faces. I do live in a small town but it is old fashion so I was a little aprehensave with my first, but it was really hard for me to nurse and try to “keep covered” and I wasn’t going to stop nursing so I stopes worrying about tring to keep everything covered. If anything I got smiles of prase not dirty looks. Some people are going to over react but it is just because they weren’t exposed to natural surroundings we can’t give them the satisfaction and give in, we just have to go on with what we know is best for family. We aren’t making them nurse in public so they shouldn’t be able to stop us.
I breastfed for my son on demand for three years in DC and Northern VA. And my son was 97th percentile, a big baby! And then a toddler. I breastfed in public, all the time – grocery stores, restaurants, art museums, wherever. I rarely used a cover like a baby blanket, only if I felt he needed it. I’m not very big on top, I just lifted my shirt enough and my son took care of the rest. I was modest but I didn’t need to buy special clothes or bras, or other accessories.
I never used a bottle and incredibly I never got hassled. It is all about attitude. If you are happy and confident, people will rarely give you problems. I got a lot of support for BF in public. One man MADE me come back to my table (I had gone to the rear of the restaurant). He said “Ma’am, don’t be ashamed of feeding your child here. In my country (he was from Africa), all women do this. It is a natural thing.” Wouldn’t it be great if everyone was like him!
Everytime I see a woman breastfeeding in my public, I give her a special smile.
When you breastfeed your baby, you are making a deposit in his or her “health” bank: increasing IQ, protecting from allergies, and other health benefits. My breastfeeding was STRONGLY supported by my son’s doctors (he had special needs). I felt it made a big difference for hm.
It doesn’t matter if you do it for a few weeks or until you child decides to wean (like I did). Just give it a try and don’t worry about what people will think. If it doesn’t work for you, no big deal, and go the formula route. But in my experience, most will support you!
Oh by the way I love the pictures. I always wanted professional pic like this but we never had the money. They are beautiful!
More specifically, those girls are UNDERAGE (age is posted on the FB page, even) and hanging out of their clothes in a provocative manner. So promoting a minor’s promiscuity is okay, but not feeding a baby?? WTH.
agree 100% and love your earth mama 70s photo!
Breastfeeding in public and pictures of breastfeeding on Facebook are two different issues. Facebook has a no nudity policy. If they allow breasts in pictures, even if they are feeding a baby, then they will have to allow other nude breasts. Post your pictures on your own website. I believe that when you make issues out of things like this, it distracts from the real issue – which is being able to feed your baby whenever and wherever you want.
Aw, my firstborn was 1974, too! And I breast fed all through the 70′s (and early 80′s) with the next two as well. I also never remember having any problem nursing them wherever I was at the time. It’s kind of shocking what nursing mothers face now. It’s truly pathetic, and FB is entirely out of line with their hypocrisy – they must be challenged on this!
The next time you are thinking that about a bottle fed baby, maybe consider that the mom is bottle feeding because she had a double mastectomy from breast cancer like me. Why can’t women support other women?
I don’t understand why people in America have such a problem with breastfeeding. In other countries, it’s NORMAL. I had someone come up to me in Ikea and tell me how wonderful it was that I was just sitting there feeding my son (I actually had a cover on that day, because my son wouldn’t feed if he could see everything going on at Ikea!). She told me that in her country (many here are Polish, but I’m not sure where she was from), women just pulled out their breasts, stuck the baby on, kept walking down the street. No problem. People here have such ISSUES. And the more we hide it from the kids, the more likely they are to think it’s wrong or unnatural or odd and disgusting when they grow up. My mother breastfed five children – so I always thought it was completely normal. So odd to find out that people think it’s gross! Or sexual – that one freaks me out a bit. Geez, it’s what they’re FOR. Let us use them right!
I don’t judge people for bottle feeding their children. I don’t know the reason, and I’m not going to speculate. Support is absolutely what a mother needs. I hope nobody ever looked at you askance because you were bottle feeding your child! That would be awful and just wrong. My nephew wasn’t able to breastfeed (in fact, he still can’t really eat anything and now has a gastric tube).
So sad that we are still discussing such a normal feeding option…there are so many other things to talk about. It does not seem that these commentaries will ever end. The good part is it keeps the positive points of breastfeeding in the forefront no pun intended.
I’m sorry that this was your situation. Sadly, this is not usually the case.However,all mothers should be supported irregardless of how they choose to feed their babies.(IBCLC)
It was totally meant as a joke. I’m sorry I offended you. I’ve had to bottle feed too. I wasnt trying to be unsupportive of bottle feeders….I was trying to support breastfeeding and make a joke. Truly sorry.
We were at my husband’s work outing and a woman came up to me and said she hoped I wasn’t bottle feeding to keep my “perfect” breasts. She handed me brochures that basically said I was feeding my baby poison and that I was risking getting breast cancer! I explained that my breasts were actually silicone things in a bra and all I had were scars. She went on and on about wet nurses and donated breast milk. The conversation ended as “Well, if you don’t want what’s best for your child.” It was horribly embarrassing and hurtful.
I also had a woman hand me her La Leche League card in a food court. I told her my situation and she suggested that my husband use a breast pump to try and lactate. Again, horribly embarrassing. I was surprised. La Leche League is a wonderful organization and helps millions of women who want their help. They shouldn’t be recruiting. Let a woman decide for herself what is best for her and her family. It isn’t anyone’s business.
Incidentally, I spent many hours with my older breastfed kids in the doctor’s office for ear infections, strep throat and pink eye. It seemed like I saw the Dr more than my husband. The bottle fed kid has never been the doctor except for get well checkups and when she broke her arm. She’s never been sick. I still can’t figure that one out.
I don’t think it matters what the case is. A baby gets loved and nurtured through bottle feeding just like a baby does through breastfeeding. I’ve done both.
You’re 100% Ok breastfeeding au-naturel. I guess you can’t win sometimes. If you don’t supply the dinner when the demand is announced, your baby would begin communicating the only way he/she knows. And that would cause a lot of frowns, too. The alternative would be a cold milk bottle (pumped breast milk, best) or else some ungodly soy crap;( but many people still haven’t figured out that “mothers know best”!
I agree. I am currently BF my baby and I believe we all have to stick together. It makes a huge difference.
How can you say that? For medical reasons I could not breastfeed my baby and I was devastated, I felt a failure. Please think before you post
In DC it is illegal to tell a breastfeeding woman to stop. The law protects her – she can feed anywhere and if anyone tries to stop her it’s against the law. Woot!
I live in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. My son’s is now 14months old and I am still breastfeeding. Being a first time mother, it was difficult to breastfeed in public but soon got the hang of it. When baby wants boob juice, baby wants boob juice – no compromise. I try to be discreet. Since I am into baby wearing, the sling helped but never a full cover. It is crazy to cover up in a tropical country. I can’t believe that we are still having such a debate over the right to breastfeed when and where. Isn’t breastfeeding the most natural act of motherhood??
It’s a awful situation when a sister feels as though he can not provide in a standard, natural way to provide for her kid for fear of what others might “feel” or “think”. It sickens me that this is an issue & I hope that nursing mothers will rise & make a stand.
Kamagra
U know this affends me to see this,i breast fed 2 of my kids and would of breast fed the other two but unfortunately i did not supply enough milk with second one and 3rd one did not wanna latch on..breast feeding is a very natural and healthy thing and those women who nurse should be allowed to nurse where ever they want..do u shun women who model nude? NO!! do u allow porn and nudity on the internet? YES!! my point being i see all the time where people have picts of them selfs half naked or showing and noone complains as long as they are hot but the first time a mom feeds her baby in public OH NO!! IT’S A CRIME,lets report them..SERIOUSLY!! fb u need to grow up..BREAST FEEDING IS HEALTHY AND NATURAL!! & fb is suppose to be free and open to anyone..u know u have a block button so if u are affended by breast feeding then block us..YES IT IS THAT SIMPLE..HIT THE BLOCK BUTTON AND SHUTUP!!
i remember when my 2nd son was a couple weeks old i was told to leave walmart beacause i was walking around the store breast feeding my son. well needless o say the oppisite happened, the employee who tried to tell me i had to leave ended up getting fired. i did not count on him getting hungry at the store cuz he was asleep when we got there but theses things happen there is no way you can prevent them.
my son was born in 1979 & I was on a bowling team. so during the break I feed my son. I was sitting there breastfeeding & 1 of the guys from the other team ask me if I could go in the bathroom to do that. I looked at him and said ” I didnt see you take your hamburger & fries to the bathroom to eat so why would you expect me to feed my son their. People can be crazy. What did people do before bottles ? And yes my son wore cloth diapers. My other son was born in 1985 & I did the same with him.
I grew up in a small town in the midwest where EVERYONE breastfed. It was really rare to see a baby with a bottle or even a mom who used a cover (unless it was cold at a football game or something). I remember my sister had her 1st when I was 11 and my brother (16) threw a fit about her breastfeeding in front of him. We all looked at him like he was crazy because he had seen women breastfeeding all his life. Turned out he was a teenage boy & was uncomfortable because it was his SISTER’S boob…ew! lol Until then I had never heard of someone complaining about breastfeeding. Even at age 11 I though, “How absurb…the baby has to eat….”
Thank you for posting something so graceful and powerful about a subject that shouldn’t even BE a subject.